Eien no Rekuiemu Eternal Requiem
by SanoGirl
Summary: Songfic based on "Eien no Rekuiemu". Kenshin's haunted by his bloody past and by his confusing present. What will become of his cloudy future?


Eien no Rekuiemu   
Eternal Requiem 

  
  
_Itsu kara ka boku wa,   
Tatakau koto shika shirazu ni ita?   
Kizutsuite, kizutsukete, soshite yume wo mita .   
Kitto...wasurenai darou... _  
  
Since when have I lived,   
having known nothing but fighting?   
I got hurt, I gave hurt, and I saw the dream.   
Certainly...I shall not forget it...   
  


  
A smile, a smile just for him. And with that simple gesture, the world seemed to slow, then stop completly. The birds stopped singing, the breeze stopped blowing, and even the laughter of the little ones was halted, as in that split second the world came to a standstill. Her cheeks pink, and her eyes sparkling, she had smiled at him, making his heart speed up even as his world stopped. His ever calm outer self smiled back, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. But his inner self, the one no one knew but him, was rolling in a sea of turmoil. Whenever she looked at him, it was as if his stomach was filled to bursting with butterflies; all of them flying, beating their wings, and trying to escape. For she had turned his life upsidow down and rocked his boat, changing him in ways even he could not understand.   
  
Then, the moment passed and she walked on, leaving him with an aching heart and a tubfull of dirty laundry. Kenshin, his arms buried up to the elbows in soapy water, sighed and hung his head. Why couldn't he just tell her? "_Why can't I stop being afraid and tell her_?!" he asked himself silently, expecting no answer. So naturally, he was surprised when he did get one. "_Because of who you are_," a little voice in the back of his head replied. And his head drooped even further, chin touching the slim chest it usually looked down upon, because he knew it spoke the truth. His bloody, treacherous past. Ever since he was little and up until his 'no killing' vows several years ago, fighting had been his life, his only known way of survival. It still shamed him to think of what he had done, all the peopl he had killed, all the lives he had taken. What he had beceom. It was for this reason he found himself unable to confess his feelings to Kamiya Kaoru. "_At this rate_," he thought wryly, "_she'll never know_."   
  


  
_Jealously & Lonely.   
Kimi no yume ni akogarete 'ta.   
Mou ii darou.   
Ima wa ore ni wakete hoshii sono mune no itami. _  
  
Jealously & Lonely.   
I long for your dream.   
Perhaps that is enough.   
I want you to share with me the pain of your heart.   
  


  
As he sloshed around in the warm, dirty water, he realized just how much he longed for her, for her way of life. So calm, so peaceful. He was sure that blood-colored dreams never haunted her sleep. And even though he hated to admit it, he was jealous of her. He so desparately wanted to be free of his murderous past, that he was will to stoop to common, petty, jealousy.And it wasn't just her he was jealous of; Yahiko, Ayami, Suzume, and even Sano did not escape his burning envy. Their way of life seemed to have no room to accomodate a haunting past, or blood-stained hands. True Sano, though only 19, had killed almost as many times as Kenshin had, but at least he seemed to have moved on with his life and accepted who he had once been.   
  
Kenshin' hands worked automtically on the dirty clothes in fron of him as his mind continued to wander and his violet eyes grew dim and unfocused.   
  


  
I want to be with you.   
I want to be just with you.   
Forever...   
  


  
He knew the only way to end this sensless envy was to tell Kaoru everything...but his mind and mouth balked at that idea. Shaking his mop of messy red hair, he smashed the mental barrier preventing himself from talking and resolved to tell her...and soon. He was going to go crazy if he didn't, and it was getting to the point where even Megumi had noticed his infatuation with the young dojo owner.   
  
So when she approached him and began to walk by him once more, he steeled himself and put out a soapy hand to stop her. He stood up and opened his mouth, but no words came out. Then, surprising himself most of all, he leaned down and brushed his lips lightly against hers. Surprise flickered in her large, liquid eyes, the recognition. The smile from before playing around the corners of her mouth. she hugged him tightly to her and deepened their kiss. Kenshin, his still dripping arms leaving dark wet patches on Kaoru's waist, closed his eyes and lost himself in her.   
  
An an all too short amount of time for Kenshin, Kaoru gently pulled back and brushed his shaggy bangs out of his eyes. Not wanting this to end, for he knew what he must do next, he pulled her tightly to him and rested his chin on her shoulder. He could hear her soft breathing and feel its silky caress on his ear. Bracing himself and praying fervently to whoever watched over them from above, he spoke. "Miss Kaoru, I need to talk to you." She must have picked up on the note of barely hidden desparation in his voice, for when they pulled apart, her eyes were worried. "Kenshin..." she started. "Please," he said "I have to tell you this."   
  
As he knelt back down to continue the wash she sat beside him and looked at him intently. Haltingly at first, then picking up speed as he went, he told everything; his feelings for her, his haunted dreams, his bloody past, the crimes he had committed, and the innermost thoughts, hopes, and dreams of his aching soul. And through it all, she sat there quietly and listened, her eyes growing more and more sad, as if hse ached for him. Eventually they welled up with tears and as she threw herself at him and caught him in a death-grip, they spilled over her smooth cheeks. Kenshin, in a choked voice, finished his confession and looked down at his love.   
  


  
_Mezamereba soko wa,   
Afureru kurai no hikari no naka,   
Atataku, utsukushiku, soshite natsukashii,   
Yatto... Tadoritsuita no ka... _  
  
When I wake up there,   
Amidst the brimming light,   
Warm, beautiful, and nostalgic,   
  
At last... Have I reached it...   
  


  
His eyes also brimmed, but not with self-pity or regret; they filled with tears for HER. Her shaking slender form was clutching him tightly, as if she were trying to squeeze out all the pain, make it go away and leave him in peace so he could live happily. An enormous sense of responsibility and tenderness welled up within him and his heart didn't seem to weigh as much anymore. Had he finally found his peace? Was he finally free? There was only one way to find out.   
  
He took his arms out of the washtub and pulled the dojo owner onto his lap. He held her tightly and whispered soothing things into her ears, murmuring that everything would be okay, that it was fine now, and that the two of them could spend forever together. And gradually, her sobs stopped and her shaking calmed. Her tear-stained face looked up at his and he smiled down at her, eyes crinkling in happiness. She smiled back, a wobbly smile, but a smile nonetheless. He brought his lips to hers and kissed her once more, wrapping his arms around her for the second time that day.   
  
The rest of the wash lay forgotten as the two lovers lost themselves in a world all their own...   
  


  
_Guilty & Truly.   
Mayoi-tsuzuke-tsukare-hatete.   
Mou ii darou;   
Ima no wa ore no ude no naka de yasuraka ni nemure. _  
  
Guilty & Truly.   
End your weary wandering.   
Perhaps that is enough;   
Now sleep peacefully in my arms.   
  


  
"_He seems alright_," she thought. "_And I haven't heard him cry out in his sleep anymore_" She shuddered, remembering the horrible noices and wails that had issued from the rurouni's mouth as he lay sleeping. Moans, shrieks of pain, hoarse yells, and the worst...deadly battle-cries. She had come in countless times and stroked his hair until he had quieted, but he knew this not. It was her little secret, and she had managed to keep it all inside until now, hoping against all hope that it would go away. Her worry had all but consumed her on the inside when Kenshin had stopped her, kissed her, and explained everything.   
  
Feeling an arm snake its way around her slender waist, and a brush of soft lips against her cheek, her thoughts dissipated and she turned slightly to smile at her red-headed lover. He grinned back and went cheerfully into the kitchen to begin breakfast. She followed close behind, watching him, observing his mood, and trying to discover if there were any hidden traces of pain left.   
  
When he had told her the story of his past, her heart had gone out to him. His pain was immense, and all she had wanted was to make it better, help him live a life of peace and serenity. She had wanted to hold him, hold him tight, melt the pain, memories, dreams, and agony away. Help him to see that life was worth livng for and that she would love him no matter what and help him in any way she could.   
  
And so far, it looked as if his wandering days were over. He had promised to spend forever with her, and she had every intention of seeing that he kept that promise.   
  


  
Listen to my heart beat...   
Listen to my song for you...   
  


  
Soft breathing reached Kenshin's ears. The deep, rhythmic breathing of someone in a sound sleep. He sighed happily and nuzzled closer to the willowly form held tightly in his arms, kissing the soft neck lightly. Kaoru murmured in her sleep and turned over, facing him and wrapping her stong arms around his neck. Hugging her even more tightly to him, Kenshin let his eyes droop and in a few minutes he was asleep as well.   
  
Grinning slyly to herself, Kaoru opened her eyes and gazed at her rurouni lover. The moonlight streaming through a window painted his face with an unearthly glow and etched out the chisled muscles of his face and upper body. His mouth slightly open, and his eyelids fluttering as he slept, he made the perfect picture of a god, she thought. Gently, so as not to wake him, she loosned his hold on her waist and slid a little lower under the blanket, coming to rest her head on his chest, right over his heart.   
  
The steady thumps of his heartbeat reached her ears and her one hand caressed the other side of his chest tenderly, letting the very tips of her fingers stray lazily over hardened muscle.   
  
Strong arms wrapped themselves around her once more and pulled her back up out of the blanket. Startled she gasped, and her eyes widened as she saw Kenshin, fully awake, looking at her with unbound joy and love shining in his face. She grinned sheepishly and hugged him back, letting his lips play over her jawbone.   
  
Kenshin, having only pretended to fall asleep, laughing inwardly at his own little joke. It wasn't played in malice, just in fun, teasing her to see what she would do. As his lips roamed over the soft skin of her jaw and face, he knew now he had found what he had been looking for all along; this was where his happiness and contentment lie and he knew it would never go away. He had found his sense of belonging and joy, his wandering days were over...   
  


  
I want to be with you,   
I want to be just with you.   
Listen to my heart beat,   
Listen to my song for you.   
Forever...   
  
Forever...


End file.
